Sometimes I live scripture. I’ve prayed it that way, you know. I asked God to make it come alive in my life so that I KNOW Him and His Word as real and living and active, sharper than a two edged sword. There’s nothing easy about it. But it beats the alternative.
For about 18 years now I’ve been living “in this world you will have trouble”, coming into the month before my son was born is when it began. I wasn’t saved then, or maybe I was but didn’t know it, either way I was still in the palm of His hand, safely held until the day I’d choose to trust Him which was still a few years down the line.
There’ve been countless times that scripture unfolded before me. It’s quite a sight -Living Water pouring from earthen vessels. Then there are the times when life unfolds and there are no words. No insight. No audible or visible confirmation of where I should turn or how to draw hope. But He’s still just as present if not more.
March 1, 2012 was a day that I’ll never forget. It set in motion one of the most painful, unbelievable, earth shattering, perspective blowing and God confirming scenarios that will EVER touch my life. It broke me and built me all in the same moment. It’s why I fear God. Why I close my eyes to His Holiness. Why I’m paralyzed sometimes because even though I’ve seen His goodness and place in suffering I don’t have what it takes to make myself willing to go there again.
Someday- I’ll tell you about it. But not today.